


The Goodest Boy

by EnsignDisaster



Category: Good Girls (TV)
Genre: Crack Fic, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Some mentions of blood, The question is why did I write this, dog POV, the answer is I dont know
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:08:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24425527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnsignDisaster/pseuds/EnsignDisaster
Summary: A retelling of the first episode from Buddy the Boland's golden retriever's perspective. It's hard being the protector for a family on the edge of imploding especially when you lack opposable thumbs but someone's gotta do it.
Comments: 26
Kudos: 34





	1. Episode 1 Season 1

Master was sad.

Which was really really really really really really weird because Master never ever ever ever ever got sad. 

But today Master was sad.

The tiny humans were in bed but Master’s litter mate was over, talking and pacing, pacing and talking. Sometimes Buddy wondered if she would ever run out of words and yet more and more poured out.

Master’s curled up on the couch, staring off into the unknown with salty smelling tears rolling down her cheeks. Buddy had whined with her in solidarity earlier trying to lick the water from her pale face but all he’d received in return was a weak head pat and the litter mate shooing him back to his bed in the corner. 

The lady who smelled of old french fries and stale coffee arrived not long after. They drank the strong smelling juice and then Master got angry. 

Which was really really really really really really exciting because Master never ever ever ever ever got angry.

Not even when he'd gotten hold of the Thanksgiving turkey and evaded the whole family for a full hour (or was it five minutes he could never remember), Master had been frustrated but not angry. It'd been one of the best days of Buddy’s life and even Master could laugh about it now. 

He’d barked in celebration as she destroyed the room he wasn’t allowed in before being shushed by the other two. They didn’t understand, not like he and Master did, destruction was a part of life whether it be a filing cabinet for her or a few pairs of mens dress shoes for Buddy.

Then they’d left Master alone to drink more of the strong smelling juice and sit in the dark flicking through paper after paper muttering to herself. Buddy was once again grateful he’d never learned to read, it seemed a heavy burden.

He was laying down in the family room on the edge of sleep when he heard the fridge open.

He’d lifted his head to sniff the air before settling back down after getting hints of new car smell and sugary sweet perfume; Car-man was home.

There were a few hushed words exchanged and Car-man blubbering before the front door closed and a car backed out of the driveway.

He was allowed to sleep on the end of Master’s bed that night, a rare treat! Though from the way she’d tossed and turned Buddy guessed Master didn’t get much rest.

The next few days were pretty standard. Get up, go on a walk with Master making sure that no one peed on HIS tree(the large oak at the end of the block), eat breakfast, chase the squirrels that dared to enter HIS yard, bark at the tabby that taunted him by sunning herself on the front porch, then a nap until the small humans got home. Dinner was next plus whatever the small humans snuck him under the table until Master caught them.

Buddy’d always wanted to point out that Master did the same thing herself when Car-man made his so-called  _ ‘famous enchiladas’. _

The only things he would classify as odd were the Car-man coming and going for short periods of time but never staying and Master’s littermate and french fry friend were over more, huddled around the kitchen counter speaking in such low tones even his superior hearing couldn’t make it out. 

He’d been especially put out when right in the middle of his midday nap the three of them burst through the front door and gather in the living room, the smell of adrenaline lingering in the air. There was giddy laughter and then yelling as more and more bunches of paper landed on the table. 

Buddy didn’t get what the big deal was.

He took the time to make a thorough inspection of the pile while it was being sorted and it was just the standard cotton and linen blend with a coating of polymer that he’d seen Car-man pullout of his pocket a thousand times before yet Master and the other two were entranced by it.

In the end he decided not to dwell on it. The bunches of paper made Master happy and that was enough.

*** _ One Week Later*** _

There was a rattling on the back door that had Buddy up in an instant, thank goodness because he really needed to potty.

What greeted him when the door was finally forced open was rather unexpected. No Master or Car-man, not even one of the small humans but four large men. 

For a long beat he and the man in front(clearly the Alpha) stared at one another.

“...”

The man tilted his head to the right. Buddy titled his own to the left.

The man switched to the left so Buddy went to the right.

“...”

The moment broke and the man shifted to the side and the others followed suit parting to allow Buddy access to the outside. Not that he needed permission, it was HIS territory after all.

When his business is concluded(he’d chosen a particularly lovely spot by the big slide while ignoring- as always- the fresh tanbark Master had put down specifically for him to potty in) Buddy has a small jolt in the back of his mind that he had maybe kinda sort of messed up.

He’d failed to protect his house, he’d let complete strangers breach the walls, he’d brought great dishonor to his whole family!

Bounding back up the stairs he formulated a plan and that was...that was...well he had no plan so he’d have to wing it just like every other decision in his life. Maybe if he barked loud enough they’d run away or if it came down to it he could totally bite a leg or a hand, not hard but surely enough to bruise. 

That whole non-plan was completely forgotten when he’d reached the kitchen and spotted the leader man casually leaning against the counter holding something in his large hands.

Buddy would recognize that smell anywhere. 

One of the Special Treats.

A succulent honey roasted dry aged pig ear that he only got on special occasions. Like when he’d cut his paw on the stupid sprinkler and had to wear the cone of shame for two weeks or when one of the small humans woke up late at night and used the step ladder to reach where the Special Treats were kept.

How did this friendly intruder/robber/murder know they were his most favorite?!

“Sit.” The Strangers low voice commands and so Buddy sits.

“Shake.” He holds out his hand and Buddy lifts his paw, hopefully they’ve come to an agreement.

“Down.” Buddy plops down on the kitchen floor but his patience is wearing thin and he lets out a gruff  _ *woof*  _ in protest. All he gets in return is a raised eyebrow.

The leader looks over his shoulder and jokes with the other large men something about ‘uppity bitches’ and Buddy snorts loudly in offense, he’s a BOY! 

“Roll over.” Buddy just stares blankly back, he knows the trick he just doesn’t want to do it. 

FINALLY the treat sails through the air and Buddy snatches it up.

He shallows it in four bites, truly taking his time and savoring the immaculate flavor.

The Alpha squats down to rub and scratch his ears and Buddy’s starting to like him more and more.

“Where’s your mama at big guy? She’s got something that belongs to me.” 

Buddy responds by sniffing at the ink in the man's neck. A mix of  titanium dioxide, lead, chromium, nickel, iron oxides, and ash. The same ingredients that make up the marking on Master’s hip. He want’s to tell the human that Master will get here when she get’s here

As if on cue the familiar sounds of Master’s van pulling into the driveway reach his ears and a few seconds later the leader hears it too. Buddy watches the man swing himself up to sit on the kitchen island, a move that the largest of the small humans had tried before being yelled at to get down.

There’s a key turning in the lock and Buddy rushes over to greet his Master excited for her to meet his new friends. The door opens and he dances around Master’s feet rejoicing on the fact that she’s made it home. It's been literally forever.

“Hey Buddy what’s wrong? Need to go potty? Need to pee-pee?”

“Nah he’s good we took him out.”

Master does something very unMasterlike, she drops all the food she’d brought in on the ground and screams. It’s a non traditional avant garde type of hello…Buddy loves it. Mostly because while Master taps furiously on her small light box and sits tense in the corner opposite his new friend Buddy can lick up the egg smashed on the hardwood floor.

After his snack though it’s hard to ignore Master’s fear which only mounts when the other two arrive. By then he’s been rudely pushed into the backyard which isn’t usually an issue except for the stench of anxiety that permeates from the house that has him pacing the lawn. He can smell the moles burrowing under the soft dirt and he hears the rats running across the power line but he can’t break focus from the house.

His Master needs him.

Several hours pass before he’s let back in. The small humans are home but not for long.

Master bares her teeth extra wide and speaks in a high pitched tone which puts the small humans at ease but Buddy can see the tense muscles under her skin and can hear the strain in her voice. 

She’s almost out the door when she rushes back in and puts food in his dish, it’s way too early and only one scoop instead of the usual two. He reasons that the rationing must begin now to avoid hardship later, whatever has her so anxious must be big and the appropriate preparations and sacrifices have to be taken.

Master is barely out of the driveway by the time he finishes and it’s back to patrolling the house.

The tabby comes and lounges on the front porch but he doesn’t have it in him to bark at her to go away. She saunters off after a few minutes in search of another more gullible victim.

A man with a beard and hat walks by with a vaguely familiar labradoodle(perhaps they’ve sniffed each others butts at the park before) but they stick to the sidewalk and all he gives them is a warning growl as they pass.

He does bark at the person in the small shorts with the large bag but it’s just not the same without Master’s voice shouting from the laundry room, _ ‘Buddy stop! It’s just the mailman you see him everyday!’  _

He drinks from his water bowl and takes small naps on one of the small humans beds, as of late he prefers the smallest humans because there’s usually a forgotten cookie or handful of gummy bears shoved under the pillow.

He swears he closes his eyes for a second only to be woken by the sound of Master’s car pulling into the driveway. It’s dark outside but the moon is high so he can make out the shapes of Master and her litter mate, they’re dragging something large behind them wrapped in a quilted blanket.

He follows them from window to window as they make a slow march down the side of the house and into the backyard the whole time whispering furiously at each other. At one point the litter mate drops whatever they’re dragging and it lets out a grunt. 

His ears perk up as everyone freezes, an eternity passes and Buddy can just make out Master inching towards the snow shovel Car-man fails to put in the shed every winter no matter how many times Master asks so it's just permanently leaned against the fence.

But the unknown object doesn’t move and they begin dragging it again.

Buddy watches from the back door as they put together a rudimentary pulley system using the garden hose and pull whatever it is up the big purple slide into the tree house. There’s more half whispered yelling and some rude hand gestures exchanged but they manage to do it.

He really hopes it’s not another dog or worse a very large cat.

Finally they come down without their burden and embrace, the smaller human’s body shaking. Then they explicitly go against Buddy’s wishes and get back in Master’s car and drive away.

Great now he not only has to patrol the house but also keep an eye on the tree house, he’s hated that thing ever since Car-man built it when he was a young pup, and there were only three small human’s instead of four.

It’s not structurally sound, the biggest small human almost broke his neck two years ago trying to backflip off it, every summer without fail a wasp nest moves in, plus Buddy just feels it detracts from the natural beauty of HIS backyard.

An hour later only Master returns and without her usual routine of showering and skincare she falls asleep fully clothed on her bed, not even bothering to pull back the covers. Buddy for his part nuzzles the side of her face where there's a slight blood stain but she barely reacts. Finally he settles at her feet and lightly snoozes as he listens to Master fitfully rest.

The thing up in the tree house is a problem for tomorrow, Buddy reasons as he belly crawls up the bed to get closer to Master. Without any fuss she threads her fingers into his long flowing fur, wrapping her arms around his torso, and thankfully settles into a more restful sleep snuggling him close.

A dog’s work is never done but at the end of the day it’s rewarding.


	2. Animal Nature

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Retelling of episode 2 season 1 of God Girls from Buddy the dogs pov.

Cold dead eyes stare back at him well not dead per say due to them never being alive in the first place. But still there was something undeniably creepy about the small figurine Master held out for him.

He opened his jaw wide to gently take the small figure away perhaps it’s best buried in the loose dirt of the garden but Master pulled it away just as the porcelain grazed his canines, “No Buddy! You can sniff but no bite!”

He let out a huff in frustration because it was all terribly confusing, the doll and it’s siblings had no place in HIS home. Master decorated it as she saw fit but these little glass beings smelled of moth balls and an age long passed.

It was just so strange from the way she’d been acting before when she’d left him alone to look after the small humans.

Buddy refused to recognize the authority of Kristen the Babysitter, she spent a majority of her time laying on the couch, taping at her small light box, and refusing to play the Barbies.

Buddy was always up to play the Barbies but apparently he did so incorrectly. According to all the small humans, taking the long hair of the thin plastic figurines and shaking vigorously until head separated from body was not the right way to play the Barbies.

Buddy believed it to be a magnificent showcase of his strength.

Thankfully the Friendly Stranger showed up soon after, surely he would agree with Buddy.

Only once again he was relegated to the backyard so while half listening to the smashing and crying going on inside the house Buddy also watched the treehouse.

Soon enough the Friendly Stranger walked calmly out followed by his pack, pausing momentarily to give Buddy a nod which resulted in mixed feelings. The destruction inside was no doubt caused by the Friendly Stranger but it was a violence aimed at Master and her kin, something Buddy was wholly unfamiliar with.

Walking back into the house was another chore in and of itself with glass on the ground and litter mate warning him not to come in. Thankfully all of the little hummels were destroyed...well almost Buddy saw one survivor, a frauline with clogged shoes and a teasing expression. Master and the other two warily admire the tiny thing before all four of them jump to a sound outside.

The one good news is that the object shoved up the tree house is not a large cat sent to sabotage Buddy and his peaceful household.

The bad news is that it is simply a dirty small man who wiggles down the slide and off into the night. Master plus the other two race out after him luckily they head south west which is where the smelly male had hobbled off to. Master and litter mate have a car, an advantage which unfortunately Buddy still has not figured out.

It goes to the dog park and to the vet but he still doesn't understand how?!

Buddy was now gingerly stepping through the remains of an Alpha who’d lost his patience but the male Master was chasing was different.

Buddy wants to forewarn Master as he sniffs among the broken glassware and china. The male who’d runoff was practically feral but humans never understand what that truly means. He’s reminded of a time where Master’s litter mate attempted to befriend a grey and black striped bandit rifling through the trash one fall evening while Master and Carman had a _‘ date nigh_ _t’_. She’d called to it like a cat with bits of salami and cheese as offerings not recognizing the stench of disease and hostility radiating off it. Eventually he’d had to chase it off while littermate grumbled about _‘Buddy being no fun just like Beth.’_

Saving the lives of those who Master cared for and loved was a thankless job. 

Not that Buddy totally blamed the desperate male, an animal backed against a wall will do anything to escape.

One summer while Master spent the majority of her time resting and waiting for her young to arrive, the house had become a favorite of mice and rats perhaps due to the bowls of cereal and various crumbs Carman would leave unattended for days upon weeks. Eventually glue traps were left at the most opportune places.

Buddy could still recall the small grey legs stuck to the sticky yellow paper with weak incomplete bodies only a few feet away, little mouths gasping for air with red stained teeth from desperately chewing their way to bittersweet freedom.

Eventually Buddy had brought one of the corpses to Master with her engorged belly and tired eyes as a trophy...though he felt no satisfaction in presenting a prey that he would neither eat nor took part in hunting, it was a cheap victory. When Car-man returned home there were extremely tense words exchanged plus yelling and thankfully a return to the status quo with no more traps.

Now Buddy felt Master faced a similar and just as desperate opponent.

But there were clear boundaries of who was on which team and Buddy was on whichever side Master chose.

Master eventually came back with a disgusted sneer but without any battle wounds, she’d won...this time.

***

A few days later saw the small humans bickering over the big light box as Master attempted to figure it out. Buddy didn’t get it, going to the park or watching the backyard was much more entertaining, certainly more than watching a bunch of moving pictures that made no sense but the small humans loved the yellow creatures.

Except for the largest little human who was being helped by the Friendly Stranger in the backyard with mathematics another discipline Buddy has neglected to learn. The small humans argue about the yellow pill movie ignoring once more his suggestion for _‘The Secret Life of Pets.’_

He’d watched from the back door as Master ushered her pup indoors when she’d finally caught on to his presence.

The two only talked for a few short minutes but Buddy could smell the tension in the air from the brief seconds when the door was opened.

Buddy wasn’t ignorant of the notes of lust coming off the male in waves and strangely Master also smelled of it perhaps not as strongly but still.

Was Master looking to acquire a new mate? Perhaps she wanted to make another litter with this stranger? Buddy wasn’t sure if he could handle four more of the small humans especially if they weren't his own offspring

Once when Buddy was younger he'd been quite the Casanova. After all, how could anyone not be enamored by him?

With his long flowing golden coat, wide powerful stride, and expert ability to catch a ball _midair_ no matter who was throwing it.

He remembers in times past prancing around the dog park as the local bitches took in his impressive frame in the bright sunlight. Not even a large mudhole that he’d gleefully rolled in could diminish his raw animal power. Master had been less than pleased and that day had unfortunately ended in a dreadful and wholly unnecessary bath. 

He also remembers Master and Car-man arguing about how to contain his magnetism, like any mere mortal could!

_‘He spent twenty minutes humping Emma’s stuffed ducky this morning and when I went to take it away and wash it, he cried like I was stealing his girlfriend.’_

_‘He’s a growing boy Bethie with urges, I just don’t see why he needs to be fixed.’_

_‘It’s not going to make him less of a man Dean! Besides I don’t want to be on the hook for child support when he finally decides to hop the fence and take a tour of the neighborhood.’_

Like every argument, Master wins but it dawns on Buddy as they pull into the vets parking lot a few days later that maybe her winning wasn’t the best outcome.

He still hates the vet. It is a sad and lonely place staffed by people who smile wide and compliment how handsome Buddy is and offer extra treats with open palms. It’s all a ruse, a farce that only the stupidest of puppies fall for. He has learned not to trust them though he still takes the cookies they offer, they are peanut butter flavored and of the highest quality.

He’d returned home a day later groggy and wearing a cone. The lavish treatment that he’s received in the days after almost made it worth it... _almost_. 

There was something missing after that day though even now years later he couldn't sparse what it actually was.

The stranger leaves and Master returns inside, calmly sitting in the middle of her offspring and stares at the big light box but fails to laugh like the small humans when the ugly yellow creatures fall over.

She pats his head with a far off expression and Buddy falls into his usual dreamless nap wondering if Master is plagued by worry or desire.

> **Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I don't know why it took me so long to write and post this chapter but it was mostly due to the fact that I would have to go to Netflix and watch the actual episode to get the chronological order correct and quarantine has absolutely killed my motivation.
> 
> I do most of my writing in a coffee shop with a big thai iced tea next to me and honestly I miss it so much.
> 
> Anyway enough of the pity party! I hope you enjoyed the newest chapter and let me know if you need clarification or if you'd like me to do another animals POV. The next chapter will probably be episode 3 though cause I like the thought of Buddy at Kenny's birthday party.
> 
> Kudos, comment, and share. I love hearing what others think.
> 
> I'm also posting a small oneshot at the same time so if you like this you might also like that.

**Author's Note:**

> It's super hard writing from the pov of an animal but I might be turning this into more chapters if anyone has suggestions for what episodes to do next. I'd obviously love to get more brio in here and I could even do chapters from the other animals in the show. So please don't expect this to be linear.
> 
> If there's is any confusion please let me know just note this is from a dogs pov so Ruby is french fry lady and I imagine that the reason Rio knew the pigs ear was Buddy's favorite was because Beth keeps them in a jar labeled 'Buddy's special treats'. Also dogs have a sense of smell 40 times greater than humans, Buddy could find a half eaten bean burrito from across a football field so I think he'd sniff out individual chemicals in tattoo ink and stolen cash.
> 
> Please kudos and comment.


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